A man once secluded himself inside of a cave. As he crept farther along into the deep, dark crevasses of his own soul he posted all of his fears along the walls of his home with small iron tacks. After some time reflecting at the back of this space, he decided to climb out of the gray dark and find his way to the light near the tunnel’s entrance. While he was climbing he had to pass all of his fears that he had earlier pinned to the sides of the cave. As he passed them, one by one, he reflected on them and ate them all up, even the tacks. As he got closer to the exit he was able to stand. At the mouth of the cave right next to the exit a thought occurred to him. The exit of most caves, is typically, also the entrance. Well, at least in his experience. He thought of how this related to the duality of existence and of all things. He pondered this for a while and began to get rather anxious as he removed his last fear from the wall. He breathed it right in, and then let it go. As he left the cave, he posted all of his hopes and dreams onto the mouth of the cave. He also left a small note, “Enter here and know all, leave here and know nothing but see all.” He smiled and felt the warmth of the sun on his cold, pale skin. He emerged to bathe his whole body in the sunlight, then he stretched his arms to the sky, the stars, the moon, and said, “I am no longer separated from you, I know no fear”. In saying this he released himself from his own cyclic existence and began to teach others of what he knew, of nothing and of seeing.
On my deathbed, I grew tired. Knowing the end was near, I slept. A dream swept me out of my husk, my bodily form. I peered down at the old thing in the bed. It’s last breath left it. All was still, all was black. Something was taken from me then, something from…before. Stripped of a perceived purpose and memories I started to walk.
As I walked, the void appeared. And as I ran I watched it follow. There was no point of reference to measure it’s distance from myself, so I stopped. I began to think there was something peculiar about all this. I wondered just how it was that I was walking so I looked around for my extremities and saw nothing was there. “Am I really just a..soul?”, I thought. Soon though, the thought faded away and something happened. I realized that I was the void and the void was me. I had known all, and found peace.
After an indiscernible period of darkness a luminescent glow began to grow in front of me. As the temperature climbed I felt a rhythmic thumping above my presence. “What is this?”, I asked myself. Even then as thoughts began forming again and dashed the stillness that had been found I still remembered all I had seen and the oneness I attained. “So strange this is, this eruption of…something? Wait….there was a…life before, wasn’t there?”, I thought. The little universe in which I was, was swelling. It expanded more and more, as I grew, to support my life. Everything was in turmoil. I began to feel attuned to another presence. I felt my energy rise and fall as waves would break against a finite shore. In my mind, the infinite became limited.
Joy, Anger, Sadness. “Where is this coming from?”, I yelled. As I lost control I kicked out against the walls of my prison. I suddenly noticed that I had feet, legs, and a head. I had eyes with which to see and ears with which to hear. I acquired a certain kind of hunger then. My limbs were growing and my form grew larger, maturing. My…mother? She fed me, cared for me. I felt as she felt and she loved me. In that moment I remembered love. I remembered beauty. And I also remembered pain, and loss. I realized that I was about to be born and would forget this and have to learn again. I’d have to reawaken what I already had known. As my body finished it’s last cycle in the womb, I decided to savor what I would lose.
It came so fast. I heard voices on the other side. As the window to my new home opened I saw light. Such bright light. It blinded me. I was suddenly grasped and reoriented. I came out lifeless. An object was thrust into my throat. As fluid cleared from my airways an icy current forced my lungs to expand. Pain erupted in my body. My heart pulsated. It picked up speed. Faster. Faster. This rapid rhythm was the first melody to reverberate in my new ears only to be drowned out by the scream that broke forth from my vocal cords. I felt all the forces of this world against me. Every emotion that could be felt came all at once. I cried and everyone gasped. It meant my new body was breathing and alive. It meant I would be farther from the void, my true self. I’d have to find it again. I was put in her arms. I felt her warmth. I felt her joy. I felt her relief. I heard her voice. Reassuring, calming, beautiful. “Maybe this will be okay, I wasn’t ready the first time”, I thought. Then after letting go of what led to that moment, I slept.
persisting will needs not a shelter
tighten the yokes and wilder it becomes
be still your unrestrained feelings
life has already chosen it’s fate
he sits in lotus position. legs crossed, palms open, eyes closed, face set. breathes in. breathes out. repeat. repeat. awareness increases. thoughts soften. clarity.
do this everyday and you will become what you are.
lead me to a place where the air is cold and clean
Waiting. Long in waiting. He sat, sighed, yawned, and blinked as another hour passed. Others came and went and arrived and left and he sat. The sky took on a dark hue. Purple watercolors with a touch of crimson blotted out the sun as it fell from it’s perch above his head to bring new day to a different place, to a different time and separate space. Shadows from flickering fluorescent light from across the way left warmth on his face. Scars masked by darkness, weary creases covered and emotions hidden when others were around. When alone he whispered, “I’m so very lonely.
In a perfect world she came and sat next to him.
In a dark world, he turned to stone.